Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
