She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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