you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
