Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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