Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
