She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
