I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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