im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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