I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
