apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
