wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
