I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I will be naked everywhere
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
