I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
