I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
