I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
