I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
