but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
