In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Semen is not good for contacts.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
