If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
