apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
