you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
