just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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