this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
