I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize
