my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
