I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Alive.
So much puke
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
