went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
