i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
