the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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