I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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