he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
