he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
My feet surprised me
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