I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
