im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
