you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
