Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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Sorry keels_rod hasn't picked any favorites yet.

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(914): View more from New York

this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.

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(248): View more from Michigan

To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....

Fav 5 5463 1221
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(415): View more from California

Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.

Fav 18 5780 1256
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(701): View more from North Dakota

Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.

Fav 2 1883 811
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(620): View more from Kansas

would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?

Fav 4 1180 812
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(216): View more from Ohio

I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.

Fav 9 772 2031
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(281): View more from Texas

When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.

Fav 2 1363 588
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(949): View more from California

You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol

Fav 0 34 5
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(905): View more from Ontario

My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"

Fav 0 46 4
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