what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
