I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
