i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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