I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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