Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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