thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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