I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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