Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
