Do you still have your period?
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
