The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I would fuck him just for his dog
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
