life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
