I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
