I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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