Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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