When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
