There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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